She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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