You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
