Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
