Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
