you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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