the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
