I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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