Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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