Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I wear drunk well.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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