See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
