This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
