im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
