At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
