So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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