so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
