You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
