i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
