i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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