Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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