and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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