you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
