Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
