He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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