I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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