the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
