It's like a parade of train wrecks.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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