It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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