when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
