It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
