If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
