had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
