My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
