thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
