Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Semen is not good for contacts.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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