Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
