I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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