me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
