I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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