Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
