I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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