Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
