My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
