Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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