First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
