And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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