If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
