He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
