Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
