beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
