the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
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