if i can run in heels then i can drive
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
