2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
